Say it with me, “I don’t have all the answers.”
Better ideas from others can feel like a threat. Say what?😳 Yep. Especially, when people we deem as "lesser than" consciously or unconsciously, have better ideas than we do, it can feel like a critique or threat to our value.
I coach executives and leaders on becoming even more inclusive and can certainly attest to the commonality of this visceral response. Acknowledging and mitigating the reaction is, unfortunately, much less prevalent.
When we feel our value is associated with having all the answers, it is especially tough to accept feedback or an opinion that challenges our thinking. Many perceive it as our authority, and worth are in question, which feels like a threat to status, position, and power. Don’t shame yourself for this unintentional reaction; it’s pretty common. But friends, we can do better.
One of my coachees said,
"Honestly, the biggest risk is our insecurity in hiring diverse people who have different opinions and might be proved right where we were wrong."
He admitted that it's more comfortable to be surrounded by "Yes-People" who make us feel like hyper-intelligent leaders compared to those who challenge our ideas.
Being surrounded by people who always agree seduces many into an unhealthy "All-Knowing" mindset. This artificial sense of inflated intelligence tempts us into perceiving that our value as a leader comes from having all the answers, which we logically know is, well, ridiculous.
So, how do we shift our mindset to one that's more curious than all-knowing? One way my coaching clients evolve is by practicing this simple phrase,
"I don't have all the answers; what are your thoughts?"
Acknowledging that you don’t have the answers may initially make you feel vulnerable and potentially weak. With time and practice, you’ll realize that it models courage, humanity, and authentic leadership.
Doing so also cultivates innovative environments where the best ideas win, regardless of the source.
The most authentic and influential leader's egos are not tied to how much they know. Their worth is based on how much insight they uncover from others and how well they blend multiple perspectives into better decisions.
Demonstrate a More Curious Mindset
Acknowledge you don't have all of the answers.
Establish the expectation that others' voices and ideas matter.
Encourage contrarian opinions.
Be mindful of your physiological warning signs that indicate you're getting defensive. Before responding, pause when this happens and reflect on why you feel triggered.
Prioritize curiosity over being right.