Starving to Belong
As humans, we need to belong as much as we need to eat. 😳 Yep, it’s just that important. Being genuinely connected to a social group is vital to our survival. As a result, the need to belong has a powerful influence over our actions.
Many of us are starving to belong at work. And like hunger pangs, the pain of exclusion is usually unnoticeable by those with a full belly.
Our brain is wired to prioritize actions that preserve our survival. For obvious reasons, belonging to in-groups (those in power) aid in our survival at work. Unfortunately, this need often manifests into unhealthy dynamics such as:
“Yes-People” – Those who agree with bad ideas and decisions, not because they make sense, but to preserve belonging with those in power.
Assimilation – Pretending to be more like those in power to navigate stereotypes and gain trust and acceptance with the in-group. If you are more different than alike from those in power, it can be intimidating to be your true self for fear of judgment and exclusion.
Disengagement – To cope with the social pain of being excluded, non-dominants often disengage to mitigate the risk of being treated differently from the in-group. They fly under the radar instead of taking risks and speaking up.
High Turnover – High performers who experience patterns of exclusion, in time, accept the limited value they can add in these environments. When that happens, they frequently leave to find more inclusive workplaces that genuinely accept them and embrace their uniqueness as an advantage, not a disadvantage.
All of these dynamics lead to bad decisions, high turnover, low engagement, and poor team performance. Considering the tsunami of employees quitting their jobs, I.e., The Great Resignation, it’s evident that too many people are starving to belong.
